Tuesday Unhappy & Tiring day...

Today I swallowed the things that he said to me which pains my heart like I'm stupid, slow, in my own world, etc... Which I can't recall... Sometimes I think I tend to forget wad he said to me or is it my mind that choose nt to rem wad he said as I'm forcing myself to control and don't get affected by him so often? I really don't want to get myself affected emotionally... But he seems to be provoking me... Right now... I'm lying on bed boring and lonely and feeling so empty inside... I'm feeling so disappointed with him. Yet I know I can't complain abt him as it makes me like a fool! I rather go out than to be left alone on this quiet cozy room having stupid wild thoughts! But I'm alittle reluctant to do so? Y? Hoping again? Hoping that we will reconcile? Wads the point? There will only be more scar inside u cos u will end up later again to make up with him. I can't stop my time for him yet he is moving! I should find my own path and try not to rely on his presence!            
He told me that either I dun have a freedom to speech or I will deserve the treatment he gave. He said that I shouldn't ask him what's he looking all else he will ignor me and neglect my feelings followed by treating me like an invisible party roaming around in his home.