On 2nd of Oct, I caught him with my own naked eyes watching pornograpghy at home while im away. He knew from the very start that i dislike guys doing so yet he did it... i finally see what kind of person he is... he even lied to my eyes  that he did not... I went out took a breather... trying to convince myself that he has been his real self from me... the guy im in love with is no longer here......  yet it failed.. I hate when he tried to avoid admitting to it not long after a few days later i forced the question on him again...finally he admitted... i couldnt understand y he is such a jerk... maybe he is all along yet i didn't realise.

After the incident tat specific weekend we went to KL as his friend, Eric, asked us along. I regretted going on the trip with him... It started with an unpleasant morning where he said that i let his friends waiting... till he quarrelled with me at the shopping mall in KL. Due to buying of a white collar shirt, he thought its transparent and i liked it or  dun mind... i did not buy the shirt. Whats the big deal of it  ? He is terribly unreasonable... he wanted to break me up... Its our first trip... yet im so upset  that it doesnt turn out well... despite the misery im in... i gave in to him by saying sorry. Im the stupidest woman...

I packed all my stuff home on 18th of Oct... Monday morning... I  will never for get that day... I finally took the big step out of misery... The reason of leaving is not becos i  saw a bunch of VCDs full of he and his wife memories and songs... it hurts though when i saw it on his table where he put it there out of the blue when im out. it triggered all the pain and sorrows i buried inside. I realised alot of things when i left him uncontactable for 3 days. He has been taking me like a fool eg. denyinng of watching porno when he is with me, told me that he never ever watched jap porno before... all of these r what i caught him for... beside that... he neglected my feelings and treated me like an invisible person in his house. No matter how i tried  to tell him my feelings in which ever way, he would simply walked away... being with him i get no love, concern and care... whether if im happy , angry or sad... he would not put it to heart. he always has his reason... But what i want is a guy for me, dote on me, lend me his shoulder, explain and concern on my feeling. He did killed my heart... Living in Grandeur  , i had been crying alone all nite in the room...   Living in his mum's place, i have been crying in the room and toilet, trying to make myself feel better to bury the unhappiness in my heart.. im wounded by the  things he said about me, times of comparing with me and his wife or gfs, nasty words and treated me like a puppet.

I felt so relieved when i left him... I dont need to live in fears, misery and tears... i dont need to me living in his lies and shadow. I felt that my confidence is back... I dont need to care how he thinks about me as he is just a jerk that i dont wana live with. i realised that i have been like a puppet to him being manipulated  by him... he told me how his wife treated him and trying to manipulate me to be like her... How can i live with a person like this... when i left him on the 3rd day, i found out that he watched youtube again on ass dancing and dancer... I was so mad at him... that day... i realised i had make the right choice to leave him...He promised me after the last incident that he wont do it again... and now... this is what that revealed...

Im mad at him and i hate him ... i want my revenge... i m BACK with him after a long conversation after the 3rd day... I told myself that i am a actress.... I can act as in i dont care...  He s