New post after a few days since my last blog... Its 2.21am and my heart is breaking again... theres a sudden urge for me to post... as i realised theres no1 i could talk to anymore. I called Geri but her phone is sitched off again...since saturday... Met butter on sunday at cineleisure... So sorry as i was very urgent yea... have to rush to the ladies... U really changed alot u know... eat more babe... r u been living well? U look pale though... To my dear friends... why have i not woken up yet till now? Hmm... Is it so tough to be in love... Geri has been telling me to give up if this relationship remains the same and he is not working out together with me... Y must this always happen again and again... He knows wad exactly what that hurt me as i told him already. but he keeps shaking it off again.  I told him that i felt inferior.... And the straight reply he gave is " What u want me to tok about? You told me that ur friends said that u r not that bad after all. " BUT!!! i dun need people to judge mme... its not important at all... I told him i felt inferior as he can say his ex.gfs are pretty and he NEVEr Ever say that i am and dun need to be inferior when he can say randomly once that theres only you in my eyes.... " Y must i be so weak to share my feelings to him in a sincerely way when he can shut me off totally by saying " I have nothing to say about this! " - When he can admit to me that hs ex.gf has big eyes and is pretty but he never say that im am.... It hurts me so much as im so jealous. yet he do nothing and yelled at me... say im acting pathetic... He wil NEVer want to understand me at all... He knows why i feel inferior but he just keep quiet and said " I dun wish to answer u at all as theres no point" . He simply dun care about about my feelings and every word he said were so hurting. Why must i feel inferior because of him... He just can see me cried again so heartlessly. I have known him for several months. He can said to me that his ex.gfs are not bad looking... and when i told him that i felt inferior ... He can only say that he has nothing to comment... Im not even the only one in his eyes when i keep hope that i will be as i love him so much... Im just so silly... Why everyone can tell me how good i am but not my BF, the one im living with, the one i sacrificed woring in this line for the future of us... How can i beieve him anymore... Why must i feel so jealous and disappointed and devastated? Why must i care so much of how he think of me in terms of looks? Because i know that im a jealous person and i want him to only have me in his eyes... Yet times and times again i kept encountering this disappointment again and again... Is it so important to care about he felt for me. To his eyes, I m not the only person he sees in his eyes. I finally understand it now....

Ps: Please advise me on wheat i should do to make me feel better please... How to not feel inferior about my looks when my bf never say anything but to say that im not that lousy after all... -> its so heartbreaking to hear that man... Fuck... Im tired... I think i should think about myself more den him as theres no1 that i could rely on when im down except myself to overcome this fark up feelings within me.