Im glad that i went to church on Christmas Day and Today. Its been quite some time i have been attending the masses... Thou its pretty exhuasting to rush to church after a long drinking session for the whole nite, i felt great being with God for the short period of sessions. The priest today said that we should forgive one another like how God would forgive us... This statement keeps me pondering about it... I felt that its pretty tough to forgive on a certain person that would leave me as and when.... I asked God to enlighten me the right path to happiness. Im so afraid to be so deeply in love with him that at times i try to ignor the feelings. Is this the right way? How do i have to do? The fact is that im just nobody. How can he loved his wife 5 years ago so much till the extent of getting married, buying apartment for her, taking care of her expenses, doting on her wants...... Yet... He can claim that they are over now and he is ready to sign the paper with her. Do this guy deserves me to love him so much? Frightening... One day i may be as hurt as his wife would be... And of thats really happen in the future.... Is it my retribution? But im not the one the cause as he claimed that he and his wife are on rocky terms that may lead to this path already far before i met him.... Am i thinking too far ahead? Or should  just take it lightly and be happy with what i have now at the moment and leave a path for myself... ? Lord... Please tell me what i should do ? Im a little tired and scared to be in love now... especially with him.... and i did try to control... *puzzled*

Anywhere.... Merry Christmas to me & my loved ones....

Its has been quite some time i blog again... Life has been pretty hectic for me to managing my work and my love... Its really tiring to be in so deeply love with some1 that don't even understand my feeling and the real me... @the start i really expect myself to be stronger than how i used to be in the past relationship. Im trying hard to learn from my mistakes of falling or should i put it in a way that i shouldn't care so much for someone. i have been devoting all my time for him .... I do know that he has been spending most of his time with me for the pats few weeks thou. He bought me to the Raffles Town Club to stay in the most amazing jacuzzi room that i have not been experiencing in my life. Sometimes he do remind me of how Ash treat me at the very start.... Its so super 'Darling' to me.... However, as time went pass for the couple weeks... Im so freaked out to realize that i cant control my love for him ... I start to get jealous for the smallest incident that occur... Its so frightening thou... Its like im not acting my usual self at all... Im always trying not to be in love till this extent with any guy anymore after my past relationship. I wanna be a generous, understanding girlfriend. I wanna let hime play with girls happily as long as he want. I wanna show his friends around him how wonderful i am. But its all turn out to be wrong.... I cant control my emotional at times. God please enlighten me with more generosity and forgiveness. I swear to u once again i want to forget everything that upset me and be back to who i am at first like i promise him. I shouldnt pick any fights with him anymore ... Whats the farking point of telling him how i really feel and telling him what that i would mind of him. The answers are just that im too sensitive, unreasonable , not understanding and enven ridiculous. He will never understand how the smallest things or actions he did would makes my heart uneasy or hurt. So Now i proclaim to myself that i would try to get back to what i should do at the very start and concentrate on earning for myself than to depend on hm anymore. I gain nothing but heart breaks and disappointment. HAiz.... Tiring... Signing off pretty soon.... Post again yea...

Nitesz + Morning....

Regards